Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
