He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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