Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize