Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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