I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
