Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
