I cockslap morals
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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