You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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