So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
