i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You pole danced in your parka.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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