You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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