Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
