You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
