Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
