hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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