he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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