i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
