hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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