I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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