I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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