i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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