I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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