youre lurking in front of me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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