I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
