Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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