It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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