party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
