Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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