How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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