it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
