Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
