Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize