My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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