i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Pooping to opera.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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