don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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