Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
time to smoke my breakfast
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
