Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
time to smoke my breakfast
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
