We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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