Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
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i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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