im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
