If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
