Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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