I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
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Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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