Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
