Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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