I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
