is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
