my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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