Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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