she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
