So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
