I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
