were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
