My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
