I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
