Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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