I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
