he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
