i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
