It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
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I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
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Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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