my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
